Rantin on the ex.

Well today has been a tough day. Not sure what to think about it. I think the hardest part is that my ex can be so mean. I have not spoken of him here yet but we were divorced June 2th of 2007. I was traumatized enough that I felt there was no reason to live but after spending a week in the looney bin after cutting my wrist, I knew I wasn't really crazy. My pain so bad and I was on so many drugs and I was also going through the process of doing all the red tape for getting disability at the same time. So anyway we were divorced and I asked for $500. month. It was never handled correctly to go through the state and I am going to handle that soon. So as the story goes now after less than two years divord he has had an severe income change and sent me a summons to go to court for this. I don't think he thought of this himself. He's not that smart and he's illiterate. I have a funny feeling that his mother and sister Sandy are behind it. I am now having to spend what little money I have to hire a lawyer (which I can't afford one) because I would never go to court without one. I can't seem to stop thinking how mean he is. I look back now and remember all the stuff that he did was mean. I was and still am disabled when he left me and he told everbody that I was broken and useles because I couldn't work anymore. I trustingly told him that is wasn't fair for him to not go out and have fun on the weekends with our friends just because I can't. This was due to to my back sugery that had a 3 yr healing time. I had to stay in bed and not get up for 6 weeks. Kinda felt like I was in Siberia since nobody thought about feeding or caring about anything else I might need. There were 2 more surgeries and that was also during the time I was doing the disability ppw and then the divore while heavily medicated He was always telling me that you can't trust anyone. The part he forgot was to include himself in that group. I must tell you why this was such a shock for me. When we started dating we lived together for about 2 yrs and during that time both of our sets parents were divorced. So the discussion during that period of time we discussed alot of how we believed. We talked about that if there were any possibility of divorce then why get married and that led us to decide that if we ever got married that there was no such thing as divorce and that would never happen to us. I was young and naive and imature. I thought Bird was the greatest man in the world. While we lived in NC we had good times and children that I wanted more than he. I was already suffering from the Hypothroid disease which I didn't know until many years late . OK, I have said enough for this nite and plan to continue this rant at a soon date. I want to make this a habbit but no hight hopes as I have never kept up with a diary. I saw the lawyer today on the new alimony thing. Cost me $200 and will be more. I love me and feel that I maintained my intregity and my first real vow was to "Be true to yourself" and I was imprisoned for many years by an over bearing male chauvinist pig. The thing that really gets me is that I never got paid for doing all his bookkeeping etc for his various businesses. I thnk he was so supportive of me going to college was to have an inteligent educated woman to take care of all the ppw associatied with business and life since he could not real or write. He sucks and seems to take pleasure still in tortuing me. I wish almost that I could just drop the alimony and have no connection to him at all. Then I remember that I need money to live. More to come. no pity party for me. Oh by the way I have also been contacted by the disibility people trying to not pay my premium for my hmo attached to my ssd. So it really does seem like de ja ve or something like that. OK, nuff said.